December 31, 2001

Wah. I made a really crappy flash animation which consists of a bouncing ball, lots of blobs, and...uh...yeah. Mmwell. You have to start somewhere. At least I like the song ("Rocket in the Pocket" by Console...which is why I called it Rocket Power!, hehe. I cut the song down a few minutes). The song doesn't match up with the animation (not on my computer at least) whcih really bugs The whole thing only took me a few...hours...those few precious hours of my pathetic little life, *sob*. Yeah. Whatever. Sooo. My family had a nice New Years Eve dinner, I guess. My mum bought a duck. And we had a hot pot which is something we apparently do every year but I always forget. Eh.

Not many people online. So they're probably out doin STUFF unlike me. Not that I mind staying home,, wouldn't make any sense to write about it here.

I don't think anything else happened today. Uh. Haven't done any homework, that's for sure. I want to kill. Things. Which start with "ph" and end with "ysics"...sigh.

..oh, am I supposed to reflect on how the year went like karen? Mm. Okay, I'll give it a go.

This year sucked ass, just like ever other freakin high school year, although maybe not as bad as last year. Actually I'm overreacting, this year I went toa buttload (well, not really, but for me at least) of concerts, starting with Sigur Ros, then Air, Radiohead, and Rufus/Beth Orton...AND EVEN JOHANSENNNNN but anyway. Why did I just do that? That was great. Even. Wasn't just the performance itself (I've forgotton most of it sadly). The whole...thing. I dunno. That didn't make any sense. Actually. ...I'd like to believe that life is just pointless and dumb, because I think this past year I've realized how dumb everything is (boy, am I eloquent or what). Oh yeah, I totally forgot about September 11...well, that sucked. I was somewhat out of it for a while after that, but now I realize that other problems are just going to be pushed in the dark. And year, terrorism is baad, but honestly, how could people think this would never happen? I think many people thought "Duh, this is America, we live in a bubble of happiness and peace" or something. I'm getting sick of seeing American flags on everything now to tell you the truth. I mean...that sounds kind of bad doesn't it? Okay, well...guh. Nevermind

Screw that whole thing. Um...let's see, this year I realized that life may never get better, in fact it'll probably get worse because at least for the time being I live at home and my mum cooks me my meals and I have my own nice comfy bed with stuffed animals. And after that? I dunno. Don't really enjoy anything that I could do for a living. Unless I become a professional cookie eater (if anyone's hiring, I'm here). And. Um. People really screw up their own lives for no reason. That's all. I don't really feel like arguing about it...cos...can't...explaaaain. No one seems intelligent. Certainly not me. I don't want to live in an "advanced" society. I want to throw my computer out the window (which I'm using right now, duh) and live in a cave. heehee...the most intelligent people are those who haven't been sucked into an advanced progressive society with blah blah blah...I'm just as bad as everyone else I think.

Actually. What was I talking about? Um. When it comes right down to it, I just don't like school. I think that's it. I'm frustrated because I don't understand what I think I should understand and school makes me feel like a stupid idiot, which is GREAT and all, yeah? And I see all these people which make me want to disown the human race. Mmhm. And I have no self esteen becauase I don't see what there is to be proud about in school, and that's where I feel like I am most of the time. "You figured out this physics problem, well you must be a genius." Even if I DID figure out a dumb physics problem I know there's so much more to life than that and then I get disappointed because this is some kind of measurement of one's abilities to do...nothing very important. I'd like to exercise my brain in some other way if possible. If I'm not tired from sitting in school all day.

I guess if I was really smart I wouldn't be hating school so much. I mean. I would know the value of it. Technically I guess I do, but...I just don't see it most of the time. And if I was really dumb I wouldn't know if i was dumb, would I...

I've decided to stop believing in things...actually...that wasn't just this year. Boy, I sound really negative. I dunno what I seem like in real life but I hope it's not this. I...well all that crap that I don't believe in is probably Can't think of the word. I could say "gay" but some people don't take that word in the meaning that I mean. So.

Gee, I don't karen very well. Reading her livejournal entry..mmwell. It's weird, because in 6th and 7th grade I used to think my little group of friends would "never break apart, neverrr" but of course we did. I was dumb back then though. A DIFFERENT dumb. There are many kinds. I'm not like Karen at all, I think I've got nearly nothing in common with her now, although maybe I didn't before either. Oh well. She ought to just live her nice life in Arizona, I'll sit in my chair here. Cheers.


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