December 14, 2001

Oooaa I'm tired.

I started my day at 9:30. That's when I got out of bed....school starts at 7:35, eh? HAHA oh well, I haven't been late to school since the 6th grade, although that was because I missed my bus. I REALLY woke up late today, whoa. Then again I just missed 3 periods...the first two aren't academic classes and when I walked in during physics, the teacher was doing this one hard problem on the board and apparently he had been doing that the whole period. The periods were cut short actually, so I thought it was 3rd period when it was actually 4th. I guess I was lucky that physics is two periods, so it didn't matter.

So! That was great. Er. Then I had history. Woo. Then I had lunch...woo. Then. Oh yeah, I got my PSAT score...I did slightly better than last year. A 1280...and the other score was 194. I did best on the writing skills. That's stupid, I thought that was the hardest I think. Oh well. Anyway, at first I thought "Oo thats nice" and then i thought "No wait, I was supposed to get in the 1300s" and THEN I thought "Neh, I'm cool." Then again, Aliza got a 1500 and she (like me) didn't prepare for it in any way. Mm, well she's smart. So anyway, I'm quite content with my score, unlike my mum who wants me to take courses and really crappy stuff like that. Honestly, I feel like it was good enough, and I did my best on the test, and even though I didn't take classes or read books like many other people, I just don't feel like it...it's not like I think...okay, I dunno how to say this.

It's not like i think the SATs are a waste of time, but in the long run it's not like they'll make me a better person. And I know it's a standardized test and you compare yourself to the rest of the peopel taking the test but I don't want to. I want to look at my score and think "Oo I did pretty well" and that's what I think. My mum keeps asking me if I want to be a waitress when I grow up and go to a college in the middle of nowhere. Because if I get below 1300 apparently, I'm destined for a live of waitressing. Well, anyone could figure out that not everyone who does well on the SATs goes on to live a life of fortune. And it matters how someone measures success. My mum isn't this crazy parent who goes nuts about how well I do with school work, but either I'm missing the point or she is. I don't want to go to college and get a diploma (of course, I'll end up doing that though) and then go on to probably just work somewhere and not have much of a life. If so I may as well kill myself now, right? Same goes for everyone. If the SATs determines my whole future, then this world is certainly screwed up. I think about the future a lot, but in a sense I don't care too much. A lot of things are like that with me...do I care or not, I honestly don't know. Knowledge of useless facts and such things don't really get you anywhere. The people in my classes display this very well by acting like complete morons. They can get As, but as people, they're really pathetic. Doesn't anyone think that the quality of the person, their character and psychology, is more important than whether or not they can do algebra or make a sentence more grammatically correct?

So I've kind of grown less fond of this world. I already have...but...lessss...bwa. This is sad. The only nice thing is music, isnt it. Well, not really, but as for what resources I have now, it is. "Counting Backwards" by the Velvet Teen is a nice happy sounding song, I'm listening to it right now. I dunno what the dude is saying though. Gerg. I still dunno what that Libido song is, the one they played at the Barfly...gr.

Oh yeah, what else happened in school? Well after math the whole school got to watch a play of "A Christmas Carol". Everyone knows the story, yeah? It's a pretty boring story. The play wasn't terrible or anything, but it's just...boring. The language of it and all. And it didn't help that I was surrounded by people who couldn't seem to shut up. The concept of not talking is so simple to me, but for some people, they must never stop talking. It seemed pretty rude because I'm sure a lot of people put effort into the play and then all these dumb kids would be talking, it's embarassing.

I saw a dude with a Radiohead shirt...a guy in my Russian class. Nehe. That was funny, although that guy is kind of odd. I was like "AH RADIOHEAD SHIRT" while standing right behind me, but I don't think he heard me...this was in the auditorium, kind of noisy I guess. Or maybe he's not a real Radiohead fan, he's just posing as one. Neh.

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