June 14, 2001

Okay, I'm definitely not going to the Radiohead concert. Hey, I guess I was right when I predicted that bad things would happen...and that I wouldn't go. It's not much of a prediction I admit, but I've learned that you can't be optimistic in any situtation, or I can't. Maybe you can. I give really bad advice, but from my experience as a living human being, I found that when you want good things you're faced with disappointment..I've probably said that before but it's sad because I still believe in that. I don't even believe in trying anymore. I studied one and a half hours for my chem final but I don't really want to try any harder than that, cos at this point I'm not very concerned with what I get on my test, no amount of cramming will make me a genius. And I'm not going to be persistent in asking my mum to go to the concert cos I know I can't. SOO I'll..sleep! And spend my birthday..sleeping! It's what I do best...

I know my birthday isn't for a few months, but the Radiohead concert would be around then so I was thinking that that could be my b-day present, but now I don't want anything, so that makes things pretty easy for everyone, eh? Last year my b-day present was a trip to Brooklyn to see my friend Diana. That was nice.

If you're wondering, yes I'm very disappointed, but I'm so used to being sad and disappointed that there isn't much to say about it. It feels pretty much like other times I've been depressed, but I guess it could be worse. I have this great desire to go to sleep though. I'm tired. I wonder how I'm going to pass my English final...I guess if I have a thesis link then I can't fail. I tend to do badly on everything when I'm depressed...which can explain for all those Ds and Cs on various English assignments. Or maybe that was just the way I was thinking...I'm not really imcompetent I think. I believed that I was during the band trip though.

My god, no more band. Today was the last band class for me...the last one ever! Man that's great. I really disliked band. It wasn't my cup of tea.

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