May 07, 2001

Gah. I'm tired. I got back from Toronto at 11 last night. It's not totalyl late but this weekend has just sucked pretty much. Suuuure, some nice stuff happened, but the bad always outweighs the good. To tell you the truth, I don't remember everything or why I had a bad time, but I can't feel good around people. People in band, people in school, people having fun and me not having fun. I can't have fun though, something doesn't let me but I don't know what. I felt like dying, although not suicidal. Hey, that's a plus. I have the notion that I will never be happy in my future. I mean I'm not happy now. Not really, I know I'm okay at this very moment but real happiness, I'm not sure if I know what that's like. I don't know. But I know going to college won't make me happy. My brother said I'd like it, but we're not very alike. Things other people like I tend not to, like the band trip, I think most people had fun but I just don't relate to people. I can't figure it out, but for some reason I'm just so different from everyone else, I can't explain it. But there are billions of people in the world, how different could I be from them? I don't know, I don't know, I keep wondering! Sometimes I wonder why I don't just collapse in the middle of the road and lie there.

Tomorrow: Sigur Ros concert. I still haven't gotten my tickets. My mum has to call ticketmaster tomorrow morning when they open again and make sure we can pick up our tickest there. You can cound on some crap like this to happen to me. The ticket were supposedly send out on April 18th. That was a long time ago. Even for the US postal service, it wouldnt take this long. I almost can't believe it, but I should always be ready to face dissappointing things like that, right? I'll try and have fun tomorrow.

I heard an Aphex Twin song in an anti drug commercial, it made me happy. I haven't listened to Aphex Twin in a long time. And then I heard a Badly Drawn Boy song in Roswell. I really like that show now, it's gettin freaky. Yikes.

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