February 15, 2001

My nose is totally stuffed. I mean, it's nothing new, but I'm beginning to think it'll never be not-stuffed...I was practicing my clarinet and every few seconds it seemed I hgad to get up and blow my nose, because playing with a stuffed nose feels weird. I don't even like the clarinet anymore, I don't think I'm going to continue taking lessons. I'm stuck in band till the end of the year though...uuuugh. Kill meee.

Does anyone want to make me a CD of Radiohead bsides?....okay...I thought I'd ask. I've got Napster but my connection is just too slow, it's almost pointless. It's depressing. ugh. I managed to download one song lately, it's called "This Mess We're In" by PJ Harvey. I got it because it's a duet with Thom Yorke...it seems like he mainly sings, but she sings too (duh, or else it wouldn't be a duet), it's a nice song actually. I wanted to download some other PJ Harvey songs, but they kept getting messed up and crap, I just gave up on Napster...or I could try again now, since I won't be doing much else...log on, dammit! I need my music!

oh no Napster is crapping again...nope, there it goes...hopefully my computer won't crash.

Anyway, I've noticed lately just how annoying the people at my lunch table are. Well before they seemed normal, but now they just annoy the hell outta me, I sort of wish they'd DIE or something. FOR GODS SAKE I'm getting 0.5 k/s whaaa! I'm not spending an hour to download this song..ah..ARRRGH...can't you just feeeel the pain? No? Anyway, the people at my lunch table just seem really immature...they don't bother me, since I'm the most normal one I guess, I jsut sit there and eat and do my homework and everyone else talks about stuff, mainly sex and guys. But not seriously. They make fun of my friend a lot and talk about this guy she likes, who I can't stand at all, and pick on her, which isn't that nice. And then these two girls at my table are really perverted or something, and this one girl is just so annoying...I can't even describe it. I guess I don't see what's so funny about sex because I sit there and do some homework like I was doing today, and everyone else is laughing at something gross. Today's conversation may have went like this:

"Don't you wanna fuck him?"
"What? No! Where did you get an idea like that?"
"Of course you do, and he does too, you know he's thinking about it."
"You're so gross, you're sick!"
*other girl goes into lengthy description on how they'll have sex, which grosses out the first girl even more*
"lots of uncontrollable laughter*

I think conversations like that happen at least ever other day, or more, and I know they're not annoying me directly, but I'm still at that table. The obvious thing to do is move to a different table I guess, if I do I'll be alone...but I guess I can handle that. Today I was trying to study for my chemistry test and I just left the cafeteria because I couldn't concentrate there, for god's sake...who could?

I've been doing lots of "alone" stuff lately it seems. I haven't been too interested in talking to people. I was thinking about one of my friends whom I've had since kindergarten, and realized we're not really good friends, but we've known each other for..DAMMIT my connection died...anyway...we've known each other for so long I guess we couldn't not be friends. We never talk on the phone for fun, although I don't talk to ANYONE on the phone for fun, just for homework, and I rarely ever do that. My friend that I'm talking about though calls me about every night about English homework and I don't understand WHY, she asks me a question about the homework and I say "...yes...that's what you do..." and generally, thats it. We have 1 minute conversations. She confirms our homework assignment pretty much...why is she so unsure? Doesn't she write this stuff down? It's so simple, take a PENCIL and a piece of PAPER and WRITE and then you'll know what to do, and here's a plus, if you pay attention in class, you can hear the teacher explain the homework and then you won't have to call me ever night to repeat what the teacher said. I don't even pay attention well, yet I'm always amazed at the information my friends miss in class that I've retained. "THE TEACHER TOLD US IN CLASSSS!"

She's already called me today, if you're wondering.

God I'm so tired today, but it's way too late to take a nap, because I've got to leave for my clarinet lesson in about 45 minutes. Errgh.

I go throughout my whole school day constantly thinking about going home and getting away from all the annoying people. I think if I knew me, I would find myself really annoying, I walk around the halls like...I don't know, like something. I annoy myself, that's all. You know what has been number one on my annoying trait list lately? People who sing, I know it seems mean or something, but I can't stand it, if I'm in class I don't want to hear someone singing some annoying song, and generally they're all annoying. No one ever sings songs I like at least. Whistling is also a big no-no. So everyone just shuuut uppp!


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