January 16, 2001

Ugh, I really don't like the beck bbs now...well I didn't really before, but I'm always so bored that I've got nothing better to do than go there and read the topics. Actually, I just don't like to post stuff, cos I've always thought my opinion doesn't really matter, and no one else CARES, which is true. SO I did reply to one topic that I found a little interesting, it was about this dude who wanted to commit suicide, it's not like I said suicide was okay, but i must have said something wrong cos some people weren't very friendly towards my comments. It's things like that that make me wonder if I'm the messed up one...or something, ya know? Actually, I know the answer to that...

School sucks. Nothing new! I found out that the dude organizing the Beck tribute album is still taking songs, I thought he stopped in October. I would like to cover a beck song, but it'd prolly suck a lot that it wouldn't even be included on the album. And I wouldn't have much means of recording. I've got a little microphone, I could record in mono sound. Oo. Nah I won't do it, maybe if there's a 3rd one...or a 4th...just that the first tribute album got to Beck somehow, I think it'd be neat knowing Beck haerd you cover one of his songs, right?

I want raaaain. But not tomorrow, cos I've got to walk home. Today I took one of those math contests, and I got 2 problems right out of 6. That's pretty pathetic I think, I got the other questions WAAAAY wrong. Oh well. I don't expect to do well, but it makes me really sad taking those tests, makes me feel real stupid. I could stop whenever, but my brother said it looks good on your college transcript or something. Well that's dandy, not like I'm majoring in math, and technically I don't know if I'm going to college. All this sadness for nothing, that would be depressing. It already is actually. Sigh.

I don't do any activites in school besides those math contests. I hate activities. I hate getting together with other people and being made to interact. That's pretty much what school is like, no wonder I hate it so much. Oh well. One of my friends says it'll look really bad when/if I apply for college and I've got no school activities to show for myself. I'm thinking, big deal, like I care. This school I go to isn't the worst school on earth, but I just can't stand it knowing there are better things out there. Well...not exactly. That sounds selfish doesnt it? Okay okay...lemme think...I have no motivation that's all. I've still got that notion that some lives have no meaning, I happen to be living one of those lives. The last thing I want to hear is "Oh yeah, SUURE your life has meaning!" If you really believe so, you can tell me. Haha, I didn't think so.

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