January 24, 2001

Today was weird. Actually, it was like a lot of other days. It started off absolutely crappy, and somehow got better in the last few hours of the day. It was a total change. I almost cried again, I always get that urge to cry for the stupidest reasons. This time it was because I didn't know how to do my computer science program. But this is the second time or so that my frustration has driven me to tears.

God, I must be such a crybaby. I wonder why I'm especially sensitive, not like anything bad happened during my childhood. I guess I was just born like that...? But when I get frustrated I either get sad/depressed or angry, and 99% of the time I get sad/depressed. Whyyy? WHYY OH WHY? WHY IS THIS WORLD SO CRUEL!?

Uh...anyway. Yup. When I get sad like that the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone, and that annoying guy sits next to me and asks how I'm doing (or something like that). Well, how do you THINK I am doing? I'm staring blankly into nothing, with my eyes half closed, about to go to sleep. Yeah. And I think he's seen mecry anyway, doesn't he get it? DON'T BOTHER MEEE! He attempted to help me but got nowhere, because I wasn't trying, and I ended up staying after school to finish my program with help from my teacher.

Anyway, I remained quiet during lunch afterwards...I felt absolutely horrible, because I hate crying, and I just hate being that way. So I hate...myself! I hate that! I hate that I hate the..bluh...okaaay...you get it, right?

But I'm fine now, which might be odd, might not be odd, I don't know. It's really annoying though, how I can't totally recall what I was like just hours ago, since my mood changes so rapidly.


Uh...oh, I was getting ice cream and I put my mouth on the ice-cold freezing spoon and it got stuck to my lower lip. It didn't hurt when I pulled it off at first, but I felt a slight tearing, and saw the spoon pulled off some of my skin and I was loosin BLOOOD! Oh fun. Spoons rather frighten me now. So there is some advice, don't do what I did, unless you want a bloody lip.


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