January 11, 2001

Today started off rather cheery, but it went downhill after English class. It usually starts in gym, english, or comp sci, the irritated-sleepy mood I get in a lot.

So anyway, why do so many people cheat? I know everyone does it, and I understand why, but I wonder, what the hell is wrong with these people? Isn't it an unwritten rule that cheating isn't a good thing? But so many people do it, cos they're really lazy, and I thought I was lazy, but I think in comparison to lots of Amreican high school students, I'm not. I procrastinate, but nearly everyone does. Just that today in English, we took these a little quiz for "Lord of the Flies" and when we were done we exchangerd them with a person sitting near us to correct them. I look at the person's test I got and realized I got some wrong, but I wouldn't change em then cos obviously that's cheating. I coudl afford to get a B, you know? But then the guy turns around and changes an answer on his test. I protested, for about a split second ("What the heck are you doing?!") but after thinking for a realyl long time, I decided I'd just let him cheat. He's not my friend, why should I correct him? He sucks, so he can keep cheating as long as he wants if he thinks it's a good idea.

That really pissed me off, yeah that little thing mad me mad. People have cheated off me before and it annoys me, but there isn't much you can do about that, but I could have changed the answer on the paper back to what it was before, which was..the WRONG answer, but..yeah. One of my friends did that to me once. After we had exchanged our papers, she chagned one of her, saying "I MEANT to write that down, I swear!" I never liked he as much after that...I don't think she knows that, but whatever. It doesn't really matter. Well you know what, I MEANT to get a 1500 on the SATs, but I got a 1250, you know, meaning to do something that was in the past doesn't count for much of anything.

In computer science I had absolutely NO idea what to do, just like this whole week in that class has been. I tried to go to sleep in front of my computer, but it was sort of hard with the keyboard in the way, and everyone else talking. For a long while now I've wanted to get earplugs to wear in class, cos people talk a lot and if the teacher is just letting us work on something, I can't concentrate well when there are a lot of people around me talking. Even if people AREN'T talking, I'm not that good at concentrating, so you see, it ain't good. And sometimes if there's nothing to do, I'd like to take a nap, and that't nearly impossible if there are a million people chatting away about god knows what.

Chemistry wasn't so bad, my only friend in that class wasn't there because she had felt sick and was sleeping in the nurse's office, but that didn't really bother me. It was probably better that way, cos if she had seen me half dead barely breathing, she would have probably asked "What's wrong?" Well maybe she wouldn't, but I think she says stuff like that. And I'm never up for talking about how I feeeeel and stuff, I just hate that. When I'm depressed I can't stand being around another depressed person, but I can't stand being around a cheery person either. At lunch one of my friends was both of those, so I moved to a different table. I told her I wanted more room to do my homework, which was true, because beforehand suddenly all these people came out of nowhere, none of these people being my friend, and it was too crowded really.

I thought it was funny, my friend was like...all depressed about SOMETHING, she was talking about it and i've heard it a milloin times, "My parents are going to kill me, my teacher is a bitch, I got this bad grade, blah blah blah" and she had her arms crossed on the table with her head lying on them. I do that a lot, you know, as I hopelessy try to sleep during the last bew minutes of class. One of her friends came over, saying "Whats wrong?" or something like that, and I dunno what they said, but they musta talked for a while. Stuff like that has made me think that no one here really cares about me, I think it's pretty obvious when I'm not feeling well, but in a sense thats good, because they can't do anything and I'd feel guilty if I've aggrivated them as they tried to lift my spirits with no results.

Yup. Everything I think is contradicted by something ELSE I think, or so it seems to be. ARRRGH! When I think about things like that, it's like talking to two different people....who...live in my brain! Stupid brains!


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