January 19, 2001

So what do you think of the new layout? It's not that different front before, I know, I just wanted it to look different. Gray is a wonderful color I think, so many different shades, so many GRAYS!

Yup. Anyway, today was like a lot of other days, started off poopy but got better in the end, although I don't know how. Gym sucked, but it usually does. At least we didn't play volleyball! Next in study hall, the teacher played a Saturday Night live skit on the TV because she wanted to show it to her French class and she decided to show...us! I saw it last year when she showed it to us, it's funny...Alec Baldwin is this French teacher who sounds real stupid, it's funny. HA!

In English we did research for our...research paper. I'm doing teen depression! Fun topic isn't it? Well if I narrow it down more, it's depression in young women I guess. Because we're supposed to base it on the main issue in the books we're reading and I'm reading The Bell Jar. It's a very good book by the way, I liked it. The main character isn't a teenager though...I think...actually I should check on that. She's a college student, so she might be a teenager, but she just didn't seem like a teenager in the book.

I found 4 books on depression in the school library. I almost never go in there so I didn't know there were so many books. I think I like libraries, I used to go to the public library a lot last year for research projects and stuff, and it's always so nice and peaceful there. Except the one time there was a fire drill, and then we all had to leave. There were like, less than 20 people in there anyway...eek...I mean, it's nice when there aren't so many people, but it seems a little sad too. Anyway...yeah, so I've been reading these books and now I don't think I've got any kind of disorder, if anything, my depression is very acute. I say this because the book was saying how you have to have certain symtoms for weeks or months at a time, and at most mine would last a few days. But then it happens so often, it's just that each time is buffered by a period of elated happiness...does that make sense? I mean, not like super happy, I don't remember what that's like, but I'm sure someone could tell the difference in my mood from not talking to anyone and walking all tired looking and stuff, to being hyper and talking and laughing a little too much.

So. I'm confuuused. I realized that when I'm not depressed, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY annoying. I don't know why someone doesn't smack me. Today in chemistry we were supposed to work on outr lab or our project due on Tuesday, but we...uh..talked mainly...and one of the people in my group for the project had to leave and do something else. Anyway, I wasn't very sure what we were doing for our project so I kept poking my friend with a ruler going "Huh, what's going on? I'm confuuused!" Oh man, if someone did that to me I'd screaaaam! And then the dude in my group that had to leave, the annoying guy I hate, started telling me how weird I was or something and he scares the heck out of me so I just covered my ears till he left me alone. The other guy in my group is really annoying too, although not as much. He's got some weird fascination with my eraser which we call "Miss Rabbit" because that is what was printed on the eraser, before I scratched it off. Heehee. Anyway, this guy keep taking my eraser, which isn't nice, and was flicking a ruler. And another thing, he didn't know who BECK was! I almost went freako! Or Radiohead or Bjork, now really, you've got to be living in a dark hole/ditch your whole like to not know who these people are! And apparently, a lot of people have (been living in a dark hole/ditch). I brought up Beck because I was bored and scratched "I [heart] BECK! + RADIOHEAD! + BJORK!" It wasn't a big deal really cos the table was full of dents and grooves and such, although they all looked pretty old. My little message stood out, the table is a dark gray/black and when you scartch into it, it turns white. Hm.

I'm still confused about what I'm doing for the project though. Oh well. It's supposed to snow tomorrow, 4-6 inches. Which is great, cos that means no snow day on Monday ya know? GREAAAAT!

I think that's all I've got to say. :)

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