October 31, 2000

What's the point of halloween? Oops, where are my manners...HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Anyway, back to what I was saying...what is the point? I mean I like candy and all, but I'd rather stay home and sleep really. I WAS sleeping but I woke up cos I heard some people otuside the door, well duh there are dudes going around for candy. I left out a tray of candy and let people take what they wanted, I mean I can't control them, although I left a note that said "Take two or less" which some kids did I'm sure. Teenagers would most likely take the whole tray than little kids.

But hey I don't think anyone toiletpapered or egged the ouse this year. Well it's never really happened, at worst there was shaving cream in the mailbox and some toilet paper in the trees.

"sleep is good. death is better. but the best of all is to have never been born." That's a good quote isn't it? I got that from Stephanie...full of wisdom she is. :) And it is true I think.

I've noticed more lately that things have been pissing me off. That ain't good..nope. Nope not at all. Nuh uh. Bloop.

October 30, 2000

Errrrgh, English class! What is WITH that class anyway? For the two seconds I'm not paying attention, the teacher decides to call on me. I dunno what THAT is about, but it made me very sad, that I wasn't paying attention when I was supposed to. My friend who sits next to me said something to me, but me with my bad hearing didn't hear what she said, so I said "What?" and whenever that happens the person I'm talking to usually says "Nevermind.." Well obviously it wasn't that important, why the hell did you try to get my attention in the first place! It totally pisses me off, everyone that does that I think. I do that too though. But it annoys me more than other people I think. It just does. So for those few seconds I am wondering what she said, I hear my teacher say my name. I was like "What?" and then she asked me to give the answer to question 4 or..something..and I looked at my paper, sort of confused, and then was like "Huh..okay..uh.." I dunno, I was sort of out there. I can't have people disturbing me in English class, of ALL the classes I have, really, I mean that is my worst class man. I lose my concentration like THAT, it's sad I think.

So I had this urge to crawl into some small space and cry, but of course I didn't, i just started at my paper a while. Ah well. That happens. Then my friend thought I was pissed at her, it wasn't just her, sort of EVERYTHING in general pisses me off, so I said she was too paranoid. She IS! She is. Yeah I don't like that when people are too paranoid I think. Oo, so many things piss me off.

Or not. I feel very confy in my bed. It's sort of sad and happy at the same time. I guess I don't know how to describe it. Just staring out the window onto an empty road..of...pavement and...road...like where the hell is everyone anyway? Ah well. Good thing too cos people would be able to look into my window and be like "Why the hell is that girl lookin at me?" And I'd be thinking the same thing, maybe. Okay. Anyway. But it's just to safe and comfy in blankets and pillows and stuff, but then I get sort of sad thinking of the time I'm wasting doing nothing at all, really, while people are working and crap like that. You know, that STUFF people do to survive? And here I am being a lazy butt hugging a blanket wondering if I should take a nap. Really. Does life have meaning? NOO!

Nope. Am I the only one with common sense here? Really I just wish I was never born sometimes.

October 29, 2000

IT SNOWED TODAY! I mean, it slightly flurried, but that counts right? It got me quite excited...I was rearranging the furniture in my room with my mum and my mum said 'It's snowing!" and I didn't believe her at first, but it WAS! And it was beautiful. It made me so happy. I had a dream last night it snowed, and I mean SNOWED, blissfully white powder everywhere, and that was a really wonderful dream. Sigh. I can't wait for more snow!

So anyway, I was rearranging the stuff in my room. I mean, my room hasn't changed for a while, like 6 years or something. I don't know. So I moved the bed next to the window and put the desk by my wall, put the stereo on the bookcase, blah blah blah blah, put up some more posters...it looks cleaner! Oh, and cleaned out about 8 trashbags of...junk. Old clothes and that kind of stuff. So I got to buy some new clothes! And all I really wanted were pants, but for some reason I'm picky when it comes to pants, so I ended up getting two skirts, which doesn't help me much cos I NEVER wear skirts. I just thought it might be nice to wear on the weekends, I don't know.

I'm quite tired. Tomorrow is back to SCHOOL! I think next week I've got a four day weekend..well if it's not next week, it's NEXT next week. God it has to come sooon! I want my VACATIOn so I can do NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING! That is my favorite activity. How sad. No it's not. I mean it's not my favorite activity. But it IS sad. So.

Wouldn't it be funny if all the stars were the moon's babies? HAHA! No. Well I was reading Huckleberry Finn and there's a part where Jim says the moon laid the stars, which I just thought was really funny, like rain is angel pee. No. Not really..erm...yes, leave now!
I gotta pee.

October 27, 2000

I was just thinking that this whole depression thing just came about since 8th grade, but now that I think about it it's been going on my whole life. I wasn't depressed too much in 6th and 7th grade but when I was I remember it being pretty bad, and when I was little I remembered being most depressed in math and gym class, I think those were my worst classes. I mean, the only times I've ever cried in school all occured during GYM which means I've got some problem with it, eh? I mean, it's not like this happens every day, it rarely happens, but it HAS happened and that bugs me, like I feel like I'm one of those wussy little girls who is hurt by the slightest mean remark or just stupid little things, which is true but I won't go crying about it...if something bothers me I try to not look like it bothers me, although if I'm in a bad mood I won't really care and I'll be pissy or something.

Like today; English usually pisses me off...that's the class where I see one of my friends who is quite strange, she doesn't piss me off directly but she's just...ugh. Nah, I won't divulge her personal life to everyone, but she likes this guy who's an idiot and the whole thing is just stupid, it pisses me off that she doesn't just get ON with her life and stop thinking about this guy. If anyone is wondering, she's friends with this guy. Yeah..soo...for some unrelated reason, I think, I was just very sad, I was sort of hugging my backpack and near crying, there are about a million instances where I'm near tears but prolly .01% of those times do I actually cry, and it prolly wouldn't look all that good. Crying makes your face look messed up anyway, it's just a big mess. So I just got myself together and put my backpack on the floor, got my stuff out, yadda yadda...

English is where we do all those class discussions and crap, and thus far I have never contributed to one or made the slightest effort to. My arm just won't go up, I can't make it. So instead I took my mechanical pencil and started scratching a star design into the back of my hand. If you do that it'll break the tiny blood vessels underneath and scratch off those dead skin cells, and then you rub it a little and leave it for a while for the design to show through. My hand was looking all pink and stuff first but then later it was cool, a star appeared. It doesn't hurt too much, it's better than taking a knife and cutting your wrists right? And it's something to do, takes your mind off other things I think. Oo, I can still see the star! It's really faint though...

Eek, the Yankees just won the World Series some minutes ago...I was rooting for the Mets, just cos they're the underdogs, I don't actually favor one team over the other. One of my friends likes them and a lot of people give her a hard time about it...yikes, it's not gonna be so good tomorrow, all the Yankees fans are gonna be like "Yankee's RULE!" although they've been doing that for the past week already. I wouldn't imagine the World Series being a very big deal in the rest of the country, well of course not as much as it is here. I mean, this is just NJ and..yeah. Stuff.

I'm really disliking computer sciences. I guess it's not really a hard class but my FRIGGIN PROGRAM won't work! Will anyone help me? God I hate it. And then there are a bunch of annoying people in my class who don't seem to care that they're pissing off the teacher, I mean my teacher is a pretty nice person and he doesn't go all freaky mad on them or anything, he just gives them detentions and stuff. You'd think these guys would get the picture though...

And that is my da, pretty much. I like airplanes...I cut out this picture of an airplane flying among white poofy clouds, it's a nice picture...sort of like..."the sky is a big place!" Well duh...

October 22, 2000

Jook. Noveeeee. Bingo.

Those are some words. Some strings of characters. The word "Novee" popped in my head, and I hadn't the slightest idea what it was, but then I realized it was from Dancer in the Dark I think. I think it's a nice name. If I ever have a kid, which I doubt will happen, I will name him/her Novee.

Yeah. My thoughts are quite interesting aren't they? I mean, interesting like, watching paint dry. Whoaaa...lookit that PAINT...it's DRYING! It is one of life's mysteries, really.

So I don't know. Not much has been bringing me down lately I suppose. I just took the PSATs yesterday, I don't think I did well on them but better than average I hope, and it doesn't count for anything anyway. So. Who cares about that. I just remembered, in 8th grade we took these looong standadized tests where we had to write a bunch of essays and do an oral presentation, and I never found out how I did on that. I really wish I knew.

I talked to my mum a bit about my depression..well not that really, more like what my life is like and what I think of things:

"I don't have...THAT many friends...erm...well let's see...nope."
"I haven't made that many new friends...am I supposed to?"
"It's not like I don't LIKE people...actually..maybe I don't..nah, they don't like me."
"Duh, everyone has guy friends! I mean, except me, when I refer to everyone I usually exclude myself."
"I don't like English. No, I'm just not very good at it."
"I like the way I dress! Wha-, you want me to dress like I'm cultured? All nice and stuff? But I'm not. I don't look like a hobo! I don't like clothes. MY SNEAKERS ARE FINE! No, I am NOT getting new sneakers."
"Yes, you do eat more than me, but you see, everything I eat turns into fat, everything you eat mysteriously disappears."
"It's stupid to talk on the phone all the time with friends you see every day in school! And that's why I don't do it. You WANT me to be like everyone else and tie up the phone lines?! That is crazy!"
"Okay, school is more than education, it's about learning people skills...but I'm not LEARNING any! Sooo..."
"Yes, mom, Beck is very skinny."

I like my mum, but she doesn't understand some stuff. Well she doesn't make me feel very good about myself, so I think I'll stop talking to her about my ..stuff. Everything else is okay though, it's fun to talk to her sometimes.

I like sashimi when it's cooked. I know you're supposed to eat it raw, but it tastes a million times better when you cook it. Like a variety plate of fish. Mm. That raw stuff, it ain't GOOD!

I'm a little sad, I think I've really lost contact with a lot of my friends, mainly the ones from Taiwan. Like I haven't the slightest idea how they're doing, really. I was reading one of my friend's online diaries and I didn't really understand any of it, I'm missing out on everyone's lives really. I should stop reading it then. I'd totally lose contact then but then I won't ..I dont know. I guess when things disappoint me I just try to shut them out, but not really, it's what I'd LIKE to do but I don't. I'm mean I'm sort of disappointed with myself, but not like I've committed suicide, so that's good.

I want a robot. Not like a read one, just little toy robots. They're quite cute. Not those power ranger things, like funky old toy robots made of metal. Those are cool.

You want to know something? This person...this person ate all this FOOD...and then that person threw up. Yeah. I know. What's up with that?

October 16, 2000

God I dunno what I've been like lately, really, now so very depressed but having bad thoughts, not real morbid but uh, I hope they're not NORMAL or anything. Like when I was walking home from school I was hoping I'd get run over my a car, cos then I thought maybe I'd get to go to thge hospital and never go back to school, I mean I don't want brain damage, and I want my hands to be okay, but you know...uh...broken leg, organs mushed around, something bad but not deadly. I guess I'm not too keen on dying but really, like just smash me into a tree or something. I'm not gonna run out into the middle of the road or anything but..I don't know.

Also while walking home I passed by some dogs who were barking madly at me, I mean if there wasn't a fence I was sure they woulda gone after me. I was thinking, "Hey that wouldn't be so bad, I'd get scraped up a bit, some flesh wounds, maybe they'd step on my head, I hope I could handle this," but I want somethign to happen to me, just for some excuse to not go to school anymore.

And another thing I was just thinking now is that I should have some freaky breakdown in class, like a violent outburst, maybe I could throw a desk across the room or something. I prolly couldn't, they're heavy...the desks in my school are the ones attached to the seats. But anyway. Yeah. I'm too wussy to do that, I sort of wish there WAS some really wrong with me mentally so I'd actually DO something and then someone would realize that my mind ain't all "there" you know? But no one knows. And no one really cares or can do anything about it. That makes things even MORE frustrating if you can imagine. I'd have to be really pissed off to be violent, I'm NEVER violent. I think I'm too lazy. Yeah. SOMEONE PISS ME OFF! Give me a reason to do something stupid.

I wasn't born with a disorder, I just somehow developed this weird mentality of mine. How did THAT happen? Where did I go wrong? I mean, I never did anything wrong in school, never caused the teachers grief, my parents haven't ever been real mean to me, they're not strict but they're there if I need em, my brother is nice to me, my classmates aren't mean to me, so WHAT IS WRONG!? I don't feel like being psychoanalyzed or anything by a psychiatrist but if one of them could tell me what the hell IS going on, that would be appreciated.

October 15, 2000

I just went to one of my friend's sweet 16 birthday party. It wasn't too bad, I mean it wasn't a wonderful thing either but it wasn't like I left early or anything. I stayed for the full 4 hours, 7 - 11 PM. Yikes. It was a dance, held in the VFW hall near the middle school. The music wasn't horrible, except there was no BECK, just like the stuff you hear on the top hits radio station. Eh well. I'm not much of a dancer, haven't really done it in three years, but I did dance quite a bit and got real tired...drank lotsa root beer.

Most of the people from the party weren't people I knew, cos my friend invited a lot of friends from her church or something. So..yeah that was awkward at first. I was a bit surprised that she had so many friends..I mean she's depressed a lot in school cos people don't pay attention to her..but god, she's got TONS of friends, she shouldn't complain. I mean, tons more than I've got, and they seemed like pretty close friends. I don't have any extremely close friends here I think. :P Ohh, it just adds to my worthlessness I think...

So anyway...well...no I'm not having a party for my 16th birthday. I don't even KNOW that many people, and then ..nah, it'll be like any other birthday, where the biggest thing I gotta do is remember that I'm one year older. Which is hard for me to do.

And I'm a bit sad about some other things I guess...one more day this weekend...then back to hell...I mean school..yes..that is what I meant...ergh...

October 11, 2000

Man today was horrible! I mean, it was bad...wait, that's pretty much the same eh?

Okay, so it was sophomore day, which is the school's attempt to bring us together in warm fuzzy happiness or something, something that would never happen. I mean, what do they want us to do, join hands and sing Kumbaya? No. As I was saying, I guess they target the sophomores cos as freshmen, we're just taking in our first high school experiences (like getting hazed by the upperclassmen!) and when juniors and seniors we'll be high and mighty, and be like, "HA we get to leave school soon, SUCKERS!" But sophomores are like, a bunch of oddly mishapen rocks that stand out and look so out of place you just wanna dump them in the nearby lake, which is quite serene with duckies and stuff. Sort of. Bad analogy, but I just wanted to say the word "duckies".

So anyway, they (the seniors who volunteered to help out us troubled youth...oh, and get out of class) were splitting us up into 20 groups, which didn't work out too well. Some guy wrote a number one on my hand and I asked if he'd put my friend, Aliza, in the same group, but he said "Friends aren't supposed to be in the same group..." Well okay, fine, be that way. In the end when the groups congregate, there is a large group of people in my group who I KNOW are all good friends, I mean maybe what that guy meant to say was, "Robyn, YOU can't have any friends in the group, but anyone else with a purpose in life is welcome!" In that group I see my friend's butthead of a crush, who isn't very nice to me, not that he's mean, but not nice, and I think, "Ugggh, this is not happening."

Then here comes the realization that there are too many people in out wonderfully close knit group. Too many people? We can't have that, the world just might blow itself up in a fit of frustration if all 20 groups didn't have an even amount of people! So I sort of just stand there, thinking "No I don't want to leave this group" because I really didn't, I mean it wasn't SUCH a bad group. Then the original dude who wouldn't let me have my friend in the same group said "You'll be a good sport and go to the other group, okay?" He wasn't really asking me if I wanted to leave (well he knew I didn't) but this whole time, I knew I was going to end up being transfered cos that's just what happens to me. I look like I won't put up much of a fight, and I won't, cos there's no point in that. I'm forced to walk to the other end of the football field, from group one to group twenty, and I REALLY don't know anyone in that group. You can see, the day just keeps getting better and better!

I get to the group and see the two senior group leaders, one which I knew from marching band last year and frightened me a bit. The first thing we do in our group is say our names and then think of an adjective that starts with the first letter of our first names and describes us. i had to go first and couldn't think of anything, so one of the seniors, Ryan I think his name was, decides that my adjective should be "ravishing". Oh god. Really, I think I could have gone with anything besides that. Like "rotten" woulda been good. *sidenote - should rotten be spelled like cotton or cotton spelled like rotten? The English language is very screwy I think* And then we play the all time favorite, duck duck goose. For god's sake I haven't played that game in 10 years! I forgot how to, apparently I was the only one who forgot. And with my luck (and I KNEW this was coming) I was the first "goose" picked. Yeah well. Fun. As much fun as running around a circle with people watching you trying to catch someone who called you a goose. Which is pretty much the point of the game.

After that....more stuff...stuff...stuff....I and pretty much separated from the group. I don't share the same interests with anyone, I really don't, and I'm not like any of these people I think. Not everyone is compatible, why force it upon us? I don't know. And these people swear waaaay too much, which doesn't surprise me or anything, but really what is the problem with these people? I'm not big on swearing, I dunno if it has anything to do with the way I'm raised (i doubt it, I think my bro swears a bit) I mean I guess to me, it's common sense or something. I mean, no WONDER kids these days don't have a large vocabulary! The only words they know are fuck, shit, damn, and many other colorful words that you would just love to hear at the dinner table on Thanksgiving while saying grace.

We did a lot of activities involving blindfolds. Man I hate those, I'm blind enough as it is. The only good thing was that for one of the activities you and a partner were blindfolded and placed far away from each other, then you'd have to find each other calling out special words you pick, and the girl who I was partners with knew my whole Beck and Rufus obsession thing, so our code words were BECK and RUFUS! I was screaming "BECK!" I think. Oo.

We also did one of those human pyramid things, which is a bad idea really, unless you get a couple-a small kindergarteners to be at the top. We could make one giant one so we decided to make two small ones, which would leave one person out and I decided to make things easy and, what the hell, be the "odd" one out. Afterwards, the Ryan guy was like "Are you okay?" Oh, NOOOO, it was my DREAM to be in the human pyramid and now all my plans for the future have been crushed! Cos I was planning to be a professional human pyramid dude. It was a little depressing I think. I guess I shouldn't be so mean, it's nice he made some attempt at caring, but throughout the day I saw plenty of phoniness (I'm really starting to sound like Holden Caufield I think) in the seniors who you know aren't really gonna care about you throughout the rest of the year, or remember your face. "Come on guys, lets see some spirit! Don't let me down!" was something the other group leader, Dawn, said a lot, or something like that. I guess it's better to have an overspirited leader than one without any at all, right? I'm not sure actually.

At some point, I must have missed it, they were giving out candy. I think I was sitting on the grass or something staring blankly at the vast...vastness...of sophomores. 280 of them or so. Candy isn't good for you anyway. I picked up some of the trash though. I hate seeing trash on the floor, really, you think the dirts and grasses are gonna appreciate a piece of waxy paper or plastic wrapper lying on top of em? Hell no! I picked up something I thought was trash but it ended up being a vanilla flavoured tootsie roll, so I ate it. Yum. Nothing like a balanced meal to make you feel good, and you know how balanced 5 different types of sugar and artificial flavouring are.

There was pizza for lunch, which was prolly the most enjoyable part of the day. I haven't had pizza in a long time, I'm not supposed to eat cheese. It was good. And I was starving, really. Ryan wanted someone to go with him to get the pizza and he said "I want Robyn to come with me" but he saw I didn't want to go, and I knew he seriously didn't want me to go. I mean he just picked me cos I'm the "quiet" one, although I don't know what he expects, like I'm gonna pour out my life story and become good buds with him as we get the pizza or something? Well someone else went, and I spread out on the semi comfy combination of grass and dirt.

I saw my friends Sheryl and Aliza so we sort of sat and ate together. Wee. This other girl was pissed off about something, and she was moody I guess, she flung this can of coke on the ground and it sort of exploded. Freakish. I really hate seeing other people all mad and stuff, I don't mean I feel bad for them, I mean I hate it. Like what is their problem? It's really bad I think, it's not fair for me to do, but it annoys the heck outta me. Like, keep the complaining to yourself, dude.

The next activity was really retarded, it was a type of relay where you had to run to the middle of the field, twirl your head around a baseball bat to get your conscious flowing in all different wacky directions, and run to the end of the field in some disoriented daze. All the teams cheated though, like some people just looked and the bat and kept running, or take it for a second and then toss it back to the senior holding it. It was stupid too cos not all the teams have the same amount of people, I'm sure. Well.

We did some more stupid stuff...yeah...like the activity where you get in a circle and have you sit on the person's lap in back of you, and the person in front of you sits on your lap, and you try not to screw things up by falling down, which by the way is impossible (on planet Earth at least...I'm not sure what it's like on Saturn). And then, FREEDOM! Yeah I wanted to get outta there.

After a brisk, fun 15 minutes walk home (of course it's fun to be nearly run over by cars every few seconds cos there's no walkway on the side of the road!), I went to the post office with my mum to mail some stuff. Yup.

Why isn't there a walkway anyway? I mean, it's right by a school, of course some kids are gonna walk home, although personally I've never seen anyone walking when I walk. Well still, there should still be a designated walkway (not covered in leaves, dirt, and branches) cos I always get a little freaky about all those cars whizzing by. Yeesh.

And that was my day. I didn't really go into the depressiveness of it all, I don't think you need that right now. All I know is that, I obviously don't need to be with friends all the time, although when I'm not with friends I don't have much fun...not much fun around people I don't know at least. COMPLETELY ALONE in my room or something, I'm okay, I mean...I'm okay, yeah. No worry about Robyn. So how dependent am I? I don't know. OH LORD! This world is messed up.

October 09, 2000

You know, I should draw a toilet or something, and scan it, and then call it "THE TOILET THAT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE!" and it will have a motto, and that motto will be "If you gotta rush it, then you gotta FLUSH IT! Click here!" I know that doesn't make sense but it's got to rhyme. And I couldn't even think of the word "rush" to rhyme with "flush", I had to use my little rhyming machine. It THINKS! It's so smart I think.

Anyway, some dudes signed my guestbook and that made me happy, cos all day I haven't really done much but wallowed around dreading school tomorrow. I thought my english essay was due on Wednesday, but it's actually due tomorrow, so I did that today. It prolly only took me 3 hours, but I'm hoping it's an at least C+ paper. Or a B- if I'm lucky. Yeeaaaah. I'm not retarded or anything but I have to keep my expectations low so when I DO get my real grade it won't shock me too much.

Um...fried rice isn't like, FRIED, not like deep fried. Wouldn't that be weird though, if it was dipped in batter and fried in some vat of oil and like, CRUNCHY and GOLDEN BROWN..uh...you KNOW? GOLDEN! Why is fried rice yellow? I mean, yeah? My mum makes fried rice and it ain't yellow, but it doesn't taste as good as chinese take out either. IT AIN'T YELLOW! I should scream that out loud at school tomorrow and see what people reply.

..no I won't, I'm a very quiet gal.

October 08, 2000

Not much be happenin in my little world of stuff stuff. All I can think about is that I need to start on a essay about Catcher in the Rye that's due on Wednesday and I've had this assignment for what feels like ages, and of course I haven't STARTED it or anything. I hate myself.

And then...hm, I dunno, I'm quite tired at the moment. Lemme play a song...okay, now I'm listening to the Plaid remix of Big Time Sensuality. It's fun sounding. FUN! FUNFUN! Fun with pies. Pie yum.

I don't like my Beck site as much as I used to. I dunno why. It's just sitting there, collecting...virtual dust. Taking up virtual space. It seems like such a waste. It's very close to going down the virtual toilet. Or maybe tomorrow I'll be chipper and happy and be like "I LOVE MY BECK SITE!" Ah..naaah. I can't make it stand out among the many other Beck fan sites. Damn, if he only have like...2 fans..and...I was one, then I'd only have to make my site better than the other person's. Like yeah? Yeah yeah? Oh Robyn has to think of something cool and dooteriffic to put on her site, whatever will she do? Her brain is SLUSHING AROUND in an ooze-ee type of substance found in cranial portion of the human body.

I am really good at describing things, aren't I? Like you just add "ee" to a word to turn it into an adjective. Like, "Right now I am all insane-ee!" Wait...well that's already..yeah. Nevermind.

Anyway, I guess if just..two people like my Beck site, then that should be good enough to..leave up there...unless, it's just ONE person, then I say "Hell with them!" and go all evil and stuff...go to my evil ways in my secret lair of knives and bunnies tacked to the wall! HAHAHA! Oh lord. Don't pay attention to that last sentence. No I don't like it.

October 05, 2000

Naps. Are WONDERFUL! But they really disorient you. I mean, today I took a nap from 4:30 to 7:30 and I woke up...and it was all dark outside, and it's like "MY LORD WHAT DAY IS IT!? WHAT TIME! OH LORDY!" Eh...well it's freaky that's all. I'm always hoping one day I'll wake up and it's snowing. I mean I don't expect that to happen just yet...but...errgh I want my snow dammit!

God something is bothering me, I mean it's not really my problem, it's my friend's problem...she likes this guy who I've determined is a poo head, but she doesn't see it. I hate that, don't you? Why do girls always go for the retarded ones? I mean, I'm a girl...I guess this doesn't apply to me, but really, there must be a shortage of smart, interesting guys (who like BECK, might I add) or something. This world is going to colaspe under the weight of...STUPIDITY! BOOM! SPLAT!

Whoa, I updated my beck site!...whoa, no one cares!....whoa, I'm still talking...uhoh...

Today in school we had to fill out this thing for the guidance office about what careers we think are fun, which ones pay the most moolah, and which ones we'd want to be. It seemed pretty pointless...we were also expected to estimate the salaries and stuff, like WHAT, I don't have the slightest idea what the yearly salary of a zookeeper is! You know? I put down that I wanted to be a musician when I grow up, I think I'll prolly end up lugging my guitar around and sleeping in a ditch though...or on a park bench...hey, I have to keep my options open.

Hey, I haven't gotten any psychological disorder thingoes today I think! GO ME! Yes, you know it's a good day when you don't fall into a pathetic state of depression and think that the only proper way to die is by being eaten alive by 100 piranas. It would be an interesting way to go, don't you think?