December 06, 2000

Lately I've been listening to If You're Feeling Sinister by Belle and Sebastian since I started to get a little tired of listening to Kid A every day, and it's really good! I mean..yeah, ever song is just..nice...I dunno...buy I can just let the CD play all the way through and it's quite nice. All the songs sort of sound the same, so I can't even tell when one song ends and the other one starts, but that can be a good thing. And endless stream of music! Maybe I should get some other Belle and Sebastian stuff...but I also want Pablo Honey since I've been reading about it in my Radiohead book. But then it probably won't sound as good as all the albums after it...still, if I like Radiohead enough I could afford to buy it right? Like with Beck, I ended up buying most of his early stuff after listening to Odelay and Mutations, and they sounded really...well not so good at first but some stuff grew on me, like the song "Today Has Been a Fucked Up Day" I really like...uh..yup. Yeah go listen to that! :)

Besides that, after school I was in this ...mood, not happy, not like really depressed, just disappointed. Like I was quieter than usual and really wanted to go home. In my chemistry class we had a substitute and the only friend I've got in that class was on a field trip, so I didn't have anyone to talk to during the whole class. I could barely do my work cos everyone was talking...the way other peopel do their classwork is divide the work between them, like "You do #1, I do #2.." but I think that's sort of a bad idea, cos then you don't know most of the stuff and I did all the work, most of it wrong probably, but at least I did it myself. And since the teacher wasn't there I couldn't ask her how to do any of the work, I probably did most of it wrong, although she doesn't grade it so it's not a big deal.

I just found myself hating everyone in the class, which is really unfair, but life is unfair. I mean, if my friend was in the class then I wouldn't hate everyone, but I did. I hated everyone for being happy, I tend to hate people for that, I think it's a horrible thing (thuys making me quite a bad person) but I can't help it. I stared at my paper for a long time before realizing I didn't understand it, so I drew little pictures of stuff, like a stick figure carrying an ax (although it looked more like a shovel) about to his it to his friend, a little creature crying with tears falling into a messy puddle on the ground with a shadow on most of his face, some other little creature...standing...oh well. What fun it is to draw.

So when I got home, I read my new issue of Rolling Stone which made me a little happier because it had pictures of Beck, Bjork, and Radiohead, and then I took a nappy after reading a few more pages of my Radiohead book. And now I am...here! Well not exactly. But whatever.

One of my friends is in love with this guy...sigh...of course I don't know this guy as well as she does but I don't like the guy very much so it pretty much sickens me every time she mentions him. Don't you hate it when people tell you stuff you absolutely don't care about? But you pretend you do to be polite instead of bash their head in with a heavy blunt object till they shut up, which is what you'd really like to do. She could very well be in "love" but I sort of doubt it...then again, I was in love once and my friends probably doubted it, but I knew it was love. I mean, I'm not in love now, I have forgotten what it feels like to tell you the truth, but I could barely function when I was in love, and my friend seems to be functioning as she normally does. But then another point comes to my mind...I didn't act any different than I usually would have in front of my friends at school even though...nevermind. I just didn't want to tell them about it, so I knew I should act as I normally would. So if you're reading this and are thinking "Robyn wasn't in love.." don't even ask me about it cos frankly I don't want to tell a whole freakin story.

But this is different from my friend, cos she tells me these things, but...well...nothing.

My hands are always so friggin cold! ARGH! Stupid hands. They're usful, but they're all cold and crap. Sweaty and cold. Wonderful. The price I pay for apposable thumbs.

At lunch, a bunch of stupid looking people were all crowding in the lunchline and going "Huh..where did all these other people come from? Where's the line? You're all cutting!" and stuff like that. Those "other people" were the people who were already in line BEFORE them, and they obviously didn't know what a "line" was, cos they looked like a confused and disgruntled pack of dogs. I knew I would be going nowhere fast by actually WAITING in line for my food, so I just left, that stuff disappoints me, did some math homework, and went back later when most people had left.

The world is full of disappointment.

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