November 15, 2000

I don't think I'm paranoid, but now I think I've got social anxiety disorder, in addition to the bipolar thing. It was so weird..for the past few days there have been instances where I didn't understand how I could have bipolar disorder, and other times when it was so CLEAR, not like I've got multiple personalities, but bipolar disorder is a little like that I think. It's like I have two minds and I'm always switching between the both of them.

Anyway, here I am doing some research about social anxiety disorder. Maybe I'm not such a bad case, but interaction with other people never makes me feel comfortable (well if I've got no friends around) which is one of the reasons I really hate school. I don't even like to get up to get a tissue because I just feel really uncomfortable BEING in the front of the class, although they're not like "Oo Robyn is getting a tissue." And whenever I always focus on...well..the wall..or the ground..I must look weird, I don't think about it much, but I'm just used to walking around while staring at the ground.

Here are some of the symptoms:

-Being introduced to other people
-Being teased or criticized
-Being the center of attention
-Being watched while doing something
-Meeting people in authority ("important people")
-Most social encounters, particularly with strangers
-Making "small talk" at parties
-Going around the room in a circle and having to say something

Yeah...all that stuff makes me wanna puke. I rarely get teased or criticized, but when I do it really messes me up. I mean, no academic things, like if I suck ona test then, whatever, but if someone said to me "Man you're such a bad person" or something..well no oen would I guess. Just an example. UGGGGH.

Well this is nice.


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