November 12, 2000

Ever have a day where it seems like everyone is just leaving you behind one by one? No? Okay then.

I think my time on earth is over. 15 not so glorious years have passed. In that time I've made friends, lost friends, been to some nice places in the world, falling in (and out) of love, and I've been depressed for long enough to really be pissed off by nearly everything. Like...the sun..what is your problem! Stop blinding me and being all happy and crap, and the clouds...hm..actually I like them...okay, my glasses..yeah you help me see but you suck otherwise, and TV...TV sucks, showing everything that is wrong with the world. You suck! All of you. Let's see, what else have I done...I've gone to school against my will. Don't I get anything for that? What am I missing out on anyway? I know what it's like to be happy, so yeah, wooee. Never kissed a guy, never had sex, well you know you can't have it all. I'll be okay dying at this very second, like...the light fixture can fall on my head and splatter my brains out.

How come when I start talking to people, it's like they've got to leave? Today while on the net for about..4 hours by now I think, I've chatted with 5 people for about 2 seconds. Hi..bye...why even GO online if only for less than a minute anyway? Just spare me of your presence and don't go online dammit.

Another thing...actually that's all I wanted to say. I'm bitter. And tired. I should start my stupid english essay but I'm not going to, because I don't want to. What I want is a nice rest where...nevermind. Sleeping sucks, it just messes you up in between disappointments, it makes you think "Ooo, I'm dreaaaming, this is niiice" and then you wake up to some hyper DJs on the radio, the sun beam right on your eyes making you BLIND, lookin at your watch in some kind of daze and you're like "DAMN it's time for school again, that school...I could just burn it down" and ever day you live is the worst day of your life. Yeah? Okay, maybe for you it's not school, maybe it's work, or maybe you are lucky and don't do ANYTHING at all..hm...toodles.

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