October 30, 2000

Errrrgh, English class! What is WITH that class anyway? For the two seconds I'm not paying attention, the teacher decides to call on me. I dunno what THAT is about, but it made me very sad, that I wasn't paying attention when I was supposed to. My friend who sits next to me said something to me, but me with my bad hearing didn't hear what she said, so I said "What?" and whenever that happens the person I'm talking to usually says "Nevermind.." Well obviously it wasn't that important, why the hell did you try to get my attention in the first place! It totally pisses me off, everyone that does that I think. I do that too though. But it annoys me more than other people I think. It just does. So for those few seconds I am wondering what she said, I hear my teacher say my name. I was like "What?" and then she asked me to give the answer to question 4 or..something..and I looked at my paper, sort of confused, and then was like "Huh..okay..uh.." I dunno, I was sort of out there. I can't have people disturbing me in English class, of ALL the classes I have, really, I mean that is my worst class man. I lose my concentration like THAT, it's sad I think.

So I had this urge to crawl into some small space and cry, but of course I didn't, i just started at my paper a while. Ah well. That happens. Then my friend thought I was pissed at her, it wasn't just her, sort of EVERYTHING in general pisses me off, so I said she was too paranoid. She IS! She is. Yeah I don't like that when people are too paranoid I think. Oo, so many things piss me off.

Or not. I feel very confy in my bed. It's sort of sad and happy at the same time. I guess I don't know how to describe it. Just staring out the window onto an empty road..of...pavement and...road...like where the hell is everyone anyway? Ah well. Good thing too cos people would be able to look into my window and be like "Why the hell is that girl lookin at me?" And I'd be thinking the same thing, maybe. Okay. Anyway. But it's just to safe and comfy in blankets and pillows and stuff, but then I get sort of sad thinking of the time I'm wasting doing nothing at all, really, while people are working and crap like that. You know, that STUFF people do to survive? And here I am being a lazy butt hugging a blanket wondering if I should take a nap. Really. Does life have meaning? NOO!

Nope. Am I the only one with common sense here? Really I just wish I was never born sometimes.

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