September 07, 2000

I wrote this horrible essay about life...you want to read it? Sure ya do!

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Life exists to reproduce, to create more of it’s own kind. In turn, that life lives to create more life. This cycle will go on and on and will never stop until the world becomes so overpopulated nothing more can possibly exist, or perhaps when the earth explodes, with lava spewing everywhere and eradicating everything in its path. Or maybe aliens will finally take over pathetic little planet and turn us into their slaves! Or maybe mankind will build colonies on other planets so we can dominate them, turning lifeless hunks of matter into homes for future generations. Oh joy, I’ve always wanted to live on Mars! So much dirt to play with, yet so little time before the dust storm comes and blows us into tiny pieces…

But what is the meaning of life? If no one has the answer, does this mean there is no meaning and we go about our lives only to die sometime in the future? What’s the point of that (hint: there is no point)? I just want to know why I was put on this planet, and I doubt I’m the only one who wonders that.

I suppose the meaning of life is different for each person. A frog probably thinks, “The meaning of life is to flick out my tongue, eat bugs and say ‘ribbit’ a lot!” and a cow probably thinks, “The meaning of life is to chew grass all day, give my milk to Mr. Farmer, and let people tip me over while I sleep,” (this is of course if they think in English). I would say the meaning of life is to hang around for a few years (heck, more than that if you’re one of the lucky ones) and then die, but I don’t always have the brightest outlook on things. Then again I’m only 15 so I’m probably way ahead of myself…or am I? I’m not the healthiest person out there, and my mom is always pushing me to eat healthier, to get out and do something and not sit around all day. Oh, to be healthy, to prolong my life, to push death farther away from me, how I would love that!

I’m kidding, of course. Do I really want to live till I’m 90? I think about it as a kid and go, “Hey, I can see how our world has progressed and marvel at all the new inventions, such as toilets that can talk to you (excuse me, you missed a spot), blah, blah, blah.” I think about it as an old 90 year old woman and go, “My GOD I’m 90 years old! I can barely walk! I have to suck everything through a straw! Damn technology, where’s my straw?” I might be more pleasant than that, but in the long run I think life would go something like that. Isn’t that sad? Yes. I mean, I like sitting around doing nothing except thinking (sometimes not even that), I like staying home and not going to places with friends, I take enjoyment in the comfort of my own home. So really, how pathetic does that really make me? I’ll give you some time to yourself…
*Robyn sits quietly and hums the Jeopardy theme song*

Okay, time’s up! How much money did you wager? Oh wait, I thought we were still on Jeopardy…anyway, maybe you shouldn’t answer that question I asked you before. I can read your mind…I know what you’re thinking. So enough about me, how are you doing? Oh heck, I don’t care about you, back to me.

As I was saying, this is the cycle of life:

BE BORN --> SMILE AND DROOL A LOT --> GO TO SCHOOL --> GET BEAT UP BY THAT KID DOWN THE STREET --> GO TO COLLEGE --> GET BEAT UP BY THE KID DOWN THE HALL --> TAKE A WHIZZ (you deserve it, big guy!)à GET A JOB --> DIE

Oh wait, I forgot a few essential things…you have to fall in love. Then you can get married or have kids. Oh, what the hell, go crazy and do both! Or neither. And you don’t have to necessarily do them in that order. Wow, life is full of possibilities!

I’ve got better things to do than sit here and talk to you, so I now leave you to ponder your existence. Yes, take as much time as you need, I’m listening!

GLEE!

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Something free?
YIP-EE DEE!

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