September 13, 2000

I think there are two subjects in school worth learning; math and English. And maybe science. But generally, math and English. The difference between the two is that I'm...GOOD at math, and English is a totally different story.

Each day I'm becoming more discouraged in English class. I like creative writing but this year we're not doing any of that stuff. And I swear I'm the stupidest person in my class! Well if not the stupidest at least the slowest thinker. I always think everything through that I want to say before I say it. So in the end I usually say nothing. :( I guess I don't really WANT to say anything. I don't have anything to contribute to the class, you know? In my head, everything that I'd like to say sounds really stupid compared to what other people say...maybe I don't belong in Honors English! I mean i don't think I'm good at this stuff, although I tend to think I'm not very good at anything, i just feel like everyone is so much more mature than I am! WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!

I think I'll write a book. Yes. No one will buy it but it'll make me feel better. Maybe.

And that is what is really annoying me. I know I'll probably do fine in English like every year, but still I've got this feeling that...I wont. The teacher implied that everything we've been learning before isn't gonna help us this year, in fact we should FORGET everything we've learned! Then what the heck was the point of all that crap I went through last year? WHAT WAS THE POINT? ANSWER MEEEE!

Sigh.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Yeah, in my class everyone is real smart, oo I hate being around all those SMART...PEOPLE! Always using their brains and having IDEAS and such! WHAT IS WITH THAT?! Actually I'm always using my brain, I'm always thinking of something, which is distracting sometimes really. Especially in ENGLISH class when I should be involved in class discussions, or something like that. So far all we're discussing about is the novel To Kill A Mockingbird which I didn't enjoy all that much. I mean, it's not a bad book or anything but if I was reading it on my own I would really really REALLY have to force myself to read every page, you know? It's not like every page is attention grabbing...hardly at all. But everyone has different opinions; some people really LIKED the book. :P

In every one of my classes I've got this similar problem, feeling like everyone is smarter than me. I mean everying that I think about in my head sounds so STUPID! And I'm such a slow thinker, it's really sad, I don't even know how I get through school with decent grades. So just to save everyone from being exposed to my stupidity I figure it's better to not say anything at all. This is sort of the same mentality I had with marching band, I wasn't especially good or bad at marching but I figured I would be doing everyone a favour if I wasn't in the band, you know? I mean, they wouldn't KNOW I was doing them a favour, but I'd know and that made me feel slightly better.

What do you think? Sigh my gook!

http://www.alxbook.com/cgi-bin/guestbook.cgi?gb=Y28439

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

why am i reading this?

1:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why am i reading this?

1:39 pm  

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